


Find Me

by MotherOfCatsAndDragons



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Memory Alteration, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-28
Packaged: 2017-11-07 18:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/434282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherOfCatsAndDragons/pseuds/MotherOfCatsAndDragons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Synthesis, Kaidan finally found Shepard. However, the god-child has erased most of her memories. Deep down, he still has to find her and help her remember. And he will. No matter what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I am a hopeless romantic. Let this fanfic be a testament to that.

#  _Dreams_

 

Life was unlike anything they remembered. They were not organics but they were not synthetics either… They were both and, for some reason, Kaidan saw all of it as a gift… and as a curse.

Remembering Joker and EDI, how they’d stood together after the battle, Kaidan couldn’t help but to think whatever had happened in the Citadel had been the best possible outcome. Joker was his friend, but he had been unable to fully live his life up until now. Now that he was partly synthetic, Vrolik’s syndrome no longer was a burden to him. People who had been sick… to those, whatever their new life was, it was a gift… Shepard’s gift.

Shepard… Just thinking about her weighted on Kaidan’s heart. He had no idea what had happened on the Citadel, but one thing had been clear: Shepard had not made it out alive. They had scoured the rubble, searched every single place, but her body had just not been there. They’d found Anderson and the Illusive Man, both dead, and countless other bodies… But not Shepard’s.

Shepard… Kaidan tried hard not to think about her again, but as it was usual, he failed. He remembered how soft and silky her dark brown hair had been as he tucked a lock behind her ear; he remembered how her warm lips had felt against his and how she’d kiss him as though there was nothing else in the universe except for them. Shepard had always had this way, this… exquisite manner that had made him feel as though he had been on top of the world so as long as he’d been with her.

Kaidan tilted his head up, trying to make the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes disappear. Shepard was gone. He would never look at her dark blue eyes again, nor melt under her smile, nor smell the rosemary in her hair, nor feel her sweet, tempting touch on his skin again.

It hadn’t been long since she’d vanished, but Kaidan missed Shepard desperately already – a feeling he knew would only worsen with time.

And then, there were those dreams…

They had started a couple of weeks after the fight with the Reapers had been over with. He would be in this dark forest where he’d wander for hours. He’d see her across the distance and he would run to her, but he had never managed to get close enough to touch her. Shepard’s lips would move, but no sound would come out of them and she’d disappear into the flames and Kaidan would wake up, all sweat and tears. He would search for her on the bed, but she was gone.

 _Gone_. Shepard was gone.

It was a knife driven through his heart all over again and he found it difficult to breathe. The pain didn’t get easier. After all, how could you ever recover from the loss of the love of your life? You didn’t. You just… learned to live with it.

Living with it… it was the hardest thing Kaidan had ever had to do.

He looked down at his datapad. There were innumerous unread messages from Hackett, from the Council… and from Liara. Frowning, Kaidan opened the one sent by the asari. He had told her about the dreams, hoping it would ease his mind and make those dreams stop. They hadn’t, but talking to Liara about those things had relieved him somehow.

 _Kaidan_ , the message read. _I wish I had more comforting words to you, but recurring dreams are a normal thing when you’re grieving. Shepard was something else, something entirely out of this universe. She was the kind of person who is born only once in a millennia and because she was such a great part of our lives, the hole she left behind was equally big._

_I find myself remembering her a lot. The friendship we shared was special and Shepard was a friend like no other. Through thick and thin, she’d have your back, no matter what. I know she certainly had mine._

_I hate to say this to you, Kaidan, but there is little hope she’s alive. Our new form, this… mixture between synthetic and organic, I believe it was her final gift to us – to the entire universe. I believe she sacrificed herself to see that the cycle was never repeated – and, in return, made us all so much more than we originally were._

_I know you miss her terribly. I do too, though perhaps not in the same way you do. And know that even though I have little hope, it’s not as though as I have none. If there’s even the smallest chance Shepard’s alive, I’d turn the whole universe upside down just to find her. As I know you would._

_Please keep in touch._

_Your friend,_

_Liara_

Kaidan closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Liara, too, had little hope, but she had _some_ , however small a fragment it might be.

Hope… Shepard had always had it and for her, Kaidan would have it too.

Kaidan set down his datapad, his lids suddenly heavy. He felt a migraine coming up and once more, he hurt just from remembering how Shepard would always help him through those. She’d lie beside him and would tangle her fingers in his hair. She would kiss his forehead, then the tip of his nose, then his lips… Those dark blue eyes would stare into his and Kaidan would get lost in them.

He wished he could get lost in those eyes, so dark a blue they seemed black, right now.

Kaidan moved to the makeshift bed he had been assigned in one of the few buildings that were still intact in London. Outside, the noises of reconstruction could be heard through the entire night, but he had learned how to live with them.

He sat on the bed and rubbed his eyes. How long had it been since he’d last slept? Twenty-four hours? More? It certainly felt as though he’d been awake for more than a day. Not even bothering to take off his clothes, Kaidan fell back on the bed and covered himself with the thin sheet he’d been provided.

As soon as he closed his eyes, he was back in that dark forest. As usual, he wandered through its somber corners. Kaidan knew he was asleep – he had had this dream so often it was impossible not to know he was dreaming, - and he could control a measure of his dream. He could control enough of it to know he wanted to find Shepard.

He saw a column of light and, as usual, Shepard was standing stark-naked under it. However, unlike in previous dreams, Kaidan could see tubes going into her arms, connecting her to some sort of machine high up in the air.

She looked… tired and wan, but he could tell she was fighting, she was…

“ _Find me_ ,” Shepard said. “ _Please find me._ ”

Suddenly, Kaidan’s eyes shot open. His heart was racing and his breathing was shallow, desperate.

 _“Find me,”_ she had said. All along, the Shepard in his dreams had tried to tell him to find her… She’d been trying for so long that she exhausted herself and only now, after all this time, did Kaidan manage to hear it.

Shepard had told him of dreams that had plagued her ever since Earth had been attacked. Dreams in a dark forest, where she searched for a child she had seen die. She told him she had heard Ash, Legion, Mordin, lots of people in those dreams and that one voice had begged her to wake up. Shepard had thought those were no common dreams and this… There was no way this was a common dream either.

A beacon of hope lighted his chest.

Somewhere out there, Shepard was alive… And he was going to find her.


	2. Hope

#  _I: Hope_

 

Kaidan was no longer in the forest. He wandered in a road, framed by a variety of plants. “ _Find me,_ ” Shepard’s voice rung in his ears. It was coming from beyond the road, from within the dense vegetation.

“Shepard!” Kaidan screamed as he tried to break through the barrier that was the twisting branches and lianas of several trees. “ _Shepard_!”

“ _Find me!”_

That last, desperate cry was the last thing Kaidan heard before waking up.

 

 

With the destruction of the Mass Relays, cross-galactic transportation was slow and consuming. At first, no one could travel between the stars and there were a great deal of people stranded on Earth. Luckily, some of the most brilliant minds in the galaxy were there and months later, the first Mass Relay substitute went live. Albeit travel was slow, it was better than nothing.

Liara, who had been on Thessia a few weeks ago, set foot on Earth; she had come to talk face-to-face with Kaidan. Shepard’s apparent death had been hard on everyone, but it had particularly – and unsurprisingly, - affected Kaidan the most.

The talk of seeing Shepard in his dreams… telling her that at first, Shepard’s mouth had only moved, but Kaidan had told the asari that as of late, she had been telling him to find her and… It had caused Liara to worry even more about her friend.

She came to a halt when she noticed that there was a very young human woman in the spaceport, looking at her with shiny eyes. Everyone had eyes like that now, beautiful, exquisite eyes. Liara couldn’t help remembering Shepard then; Shepard had had the most intriguing eyes of the darkest blue Liara had ever seen. If she were here… Liara took a hand to her temples. If Shepard were here, she certainly would have had the most mesmerizing Synthesis eyes.

Liara’s hand fell and the woman approached her.

“Doctor T’Soni,” she greeted. “I’m Ensign Martin. I’m here to escort you and help you get settled.”

The asari arched a brow. “I’m here to visit a friend, Ensign. Why would the Alliance send you to help me get settled?”

“The Alliance only knew that you were coming, not why,” explained Martin. “But we are in great need of your expertise, as some believe we have inherited certain traits from the protheans. We thought… maybe you could help us figure things out.”

It made sense that they were doing the bulk of the research on Earth – after all, most alien fleets were still stationed here, - and she wanted to help, but… “Why am I only hearing about this now?”

“Because we only found out about the prothean traits two days ago,” said the Ensign. “With the delay in communications, we couldn’t formally ask you before you arrived.” Her eyes widened and she shifted in her position. “You… don’t want to help?”

“No, I do, but…” Liara sighed. “I need to see Major Alenko first.”

“I can take you to him once you drop off your things in your quarters,” Martin offered.

“That would be great, thank you,” said the asari.

After leaving her bags in a reconstructed apartment, the Ensign took Liara to where Kaidan was. It was an office in an old building which had been mostly reconstructed. Liara went in, alone, while the Ensign waited at the door. Kaidan was by himself, reading a datapad which Liara assumed to have something to do with overseeing the rebuilding of this place hospital. He was thin, thinner than she remembered, and had heavy shadows under his eyes. In humans, that meant they hadn’t slept properly and it worried Liara even more. Kaidan had not been sleeping and he had clearly not been eating either. Shepard’s death was wasting him away.

Kaidan lifted his eyes and his lips parte into the saddest smile Liara had ever seen. She approached him and gave him a quick hug. “Kaidan,” Liara said. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too, Liara,” he said. She couldn’t help but notice how weak and worn his voice was. “Hackett talked about bringing you over to help with the studies, but I never figured you’d leave Thessia.”

The asari looked away for a moment. When she met Kaidan’s eyes again, she bit down her lip. “I came to see you, actually. I… was worried.” Kaidan pursed his lips. Sighing, Liara decided to change the subject. Best not talk about this here anyway. “Why would they need a Major coordinating this?” asked the asari.

Kaidan snorted. “Rise in crime.”

Liara’s eyes widened. “Really?” Thessia had seen war as well, but the asari rebuilding hadn’t turned to a less honest living. That they had on Earth… it was sad; sad and revolting.

“Human nature’s a fucked up thing,” said Kaidan, a hint of anger dripping from his voice.

Shepard used to say that, Liara recalled, but she wasn’t going to bring that up. Not now. “When are you free? We need to talk, Kaidan.”

He closed his eyes and in his features Liara saw the utmost suffering. “I know, I…” His hands dropped to his sides. “I’m leaving in ten minutes. We can talk at my place.”

Liara nodded. “I’ll wait for you, then.”

“Yeah. Take a seat.” He gestured towards an empty chair. “I’ll be back soon.”

The asari sat down. As Kaidan disappeared from her view, she couldn’t help but notice how heavy his steps were and how his shoulders seemed to sag. This really wasn’t being easy on him, she thought, and he still managed to work. Maybe it was his only distraction.

It didn’t take long for Kaidan to come back. “Come. We can talk in my quarters.”

He led her to another building, not very far from where they were. Inside, it was composed of several rooms which had clearly been quickly put together. The one they had assigned to Kaidan was small, with only a bed, a chair and a desk.

Kaidan looked at her and Liara knew it was time to talk. “I know this is a stupid question, but…” Liara tried to keep her tone as even as she could. “How are you holding up?”

The human biotic sat on the bed and ran his hands over his face. “Not… not very well. But you can see that, can’t you?”

“Yes,” Liara whispered. “And those dreams? Are you still having them?”

Slowly, Kaidan nodded. “They’ve changed, though. The place has changed to one that’s full of plants and I hear Shepard calling me from very far away, but whenever I try following the sound of her voice, I get lost.” He swallowed dryly. “It would have been one thing if we had found her body, but this…? These dreams, this haunting, this constant hope…” He apologetically looked at Liara. “How can I deal with that?”

Liara looked to the side. “Everything she went through to see the war against the Reapers to an end, only to vanish… It’s cruel. And now the whole galaxy is being rebuilt… It’s just not the same without her. It feels unfinished.” confessed Liara.

All of a sudden, Kaidan got up. He grabbed Liara’s arms with an almost violent desperation and shook her. “That is why I _know_ she’s alive, Liara. I…” He looked at his hands and, realizing how strongly he had been holding the asari, he shook his head and dropped them. “I know she is. I just don’t know where.”

“I can… look into your memories, as I once did Shepard’s,” Liara offered. “To see if I recognize the place.”

Normally, one would think heavily before opening his mind to someone else. However, Kaidan was so desperate and his trust in Liara was so great that it didn’t even take him a second to say “Do it.”

Liara got to her feet and put her blue hands on the sides of Kaidan’s head. Kaidan drew in a shaky breath, remembering when Liara had done this with Shepard and how he had felt jealous of the connection they had shared. He could see it, as clear as day that they had forged a bond that would last a lifetime. He had never thought he would be in Shepard’s place, ready to open his mind to Liara. But he had to find Shepard and Liara was his friend. He could do this.

Liara’s eyes became black and Kaidan felt her presence in his mind. He closed his eyes and allowed her to see into his dreams. There was the road, the plants and Shepard’s voice, desperately telling him to find her. Then, it was over.

Liara’s hands dropped to her sides and she took a hand to her lips.

“The place you see her in…” Liara closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “I think I know it.”

Kaidan’s eyes shone with hope. “You do?”

“Yes.” Liara nodded. “Kaidan… it’s Eden Prime. When Shepard freed Javik, I was there. That place… One of the roads we saw while on the shuttle is exactly like the one in your dreams.”

 

“If we’re to go, we need Tali and Garrus,” Liara stated. “Tali can hack into practically anything and Garrus is the best shooter I’ve seen since-” she bit down her lip before she could say Shepard’s name, but it was to no avail. Kaidan’s face became shadowed again. He looked out the window and Liara could literally feel the pain in his voice when he spoke.

“She… was a really good shot, wasn’t she?” he meekly said.

Liara remembered the first time she’d seen Shepard shoot. She had just rescued her from Therum and a krogan had been waiting for them. Shepard didn’t even flinch; she just readied her sniper rifle and shot the krogan’s head once, twice and finally, three times before the weapon overheated. She had been precise, cool and had exuded an air of danger about her.

“The very best,” Liara whispered. She then decided to go back to their plan. “We also need a means to get there. Can you… well, get the Normandy?”

Kaidan frowned in deep thought. “I don’t know. Maybe if I talk to Hackett…”

“Wasn’t his daughter Shepard’s friend?” asked Liara.

“Yeah, Maria…” Kaidan bit down his lip. “I haven’t seen her in a while, but I believe she’s in one of the teams studying our new half-synthetic, half-organic bodies.” Shepard hadn’t had many friends back when she’d been training at the military academy. She had told Kaidan Maria had been one of the few people who had befriended her – just as she was one of the few people who called Shepard by her first name.

“Will she help us?” asked Liara.

“She might.”

“She’s probably our best bet to get some means of transportation,” Liara said. Kaidan had to give it to Liara: she was calm, analyzing the situation carefully, while he was a nervous mess.

 “Then you go to her first. With her on our side, we have a bigger chance of getting the Normandy. If she doesn’t help…”

“I will steal a spaceship myself,” Kaidan promptly completed. “Liara, she’s alive. I know she’s alive.”

With a soft hand, Liara touched Kaidan’s shoulder. “I know you know. But you have to realize, Kaidan, that when you tell your superiors about this, they’ll think of it as a wild goose chase.”

“They thought Shepard’s warnings about the Reapers were a wild goose chase as well,” stated Kaidan. “She proved them wrong – just as I’ll prove them wrong now.” He breathed in as though to steady himself. “Anyway… Do you know where Tali and Garrus are?”

“They’re here, on Earth,” said Liara. “In the research documents they provided me with, it stated that Tali has been helping with figuring out our synthetic half. And Garrus…” She looked at the ceiling as her voice purposefully trailed away. “Well, you can guess.”

Kaidan could guess, all right. Shepard had been tired and worn out but she still had managed this smile when she had told him what she had just seen in the main battery. Shepard had been genuinely happy for Tali and Garrus – she was that kind of person, after all.

“I’ll message them once I get to my room,” Liara offered as she got up from the chair. “And you message Maria. I’ll find you tomorrow.” She stepped closer to Kaidan and touched his shoulder. “We’ll find her, Kaidan.”

He inclined his head. “Thank you, Liara.”

The asari left then and, sitting back on his bed, Kaidan began to type a message on his omni-tool.

 

_Maria,_

_I know you’re probably very busy with your research, but I need your help. It’s about Alys. I… I think she’s still alive._

_I have been having these strange dreams for a while now. Alys was there and even though no sound escaped her lips at first, I’ve begun to hear her. She tells me to find her, over and over again._

_Liara has looked into my memories and she’s recognized the place. It’s Eden Prime. I want to go there, check it out. If Alys I there, I want to – I_ have _to, - find her. But for that, I need your help. I know it’s a lot to ask, but if there’s anyone who can get us transportation, it is you._

_Please,_

_Major Kaidan Alenko_

After the message had been sent, Kaidan spent the next few hours trying to get a wink of sleep. When he finally did, he was back in that lush planet he knew now was some part of Eden Prime.

He treaded through the road, his ears already searching for Shepard’s voice. He tried to get off the road, to go through the dense plant life that framed it, but he couldn’t.

 _“Find me,_ ” Shepard’s voice echoed within his mind. Kaidan began to tear at the knotted lianas in front of him, trying to carve a path through the undergrowth but whenever he managed to get rid of a liana, another one would pop in its place.

“Shepard!” he called. “ _Alys_! Alys, where are you?”

“ _Find me_ ,” came the desperate reply.

With a jolt, Kaidan sat up. He was in his plain room, unable to hear Shepard’s voice as he had in the dream. Kaidan looked down the window. She was there in Eden Prime. He could feel it. _Find me_ , she had said, her voice filled with agony and despair.

Tomorrow, Maria would have read his message and she certainly would take it to Admiral Hackett. Tomorrow, Liara was going to return with news from Garrus and Tali. Then they’d get the Normandy – or any other ship, - and they’d go to Eden Prime.

Kaidan wasn’t going to give up on Shepard. Throughout the war, against impossible odds, Shepard had never lost her hope that they would all see that through. Now that she was missing, it was Kaidan’s turn to keep hope’s flame alive.

They were going to find her. He was certain of it.


	3. Pledge

#  _II: Pledge_

“I’ve talked to Tali and Garrus,” Liara informed as she and Kaidan shared a meal of rations. Although certain parts of Earth had fresh food, the big town centers were all rubble. Whoever was stationed there was sentenced to rations, rations and more rations.

Kaidan’s fork stopped halfway to his mouth. “What did they say?”

“They’re coming over as soon as possible,” replied the asari. “What about Maria? Have you heard from her?”

“Not yet,” said Kaidan. “She’s probably terribly busy right now, with all the AI and robotics work – heck maybe she’s even working with Tali.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me if they were,” Liara agreed.

“When will you be joining the research team?”

“Officially? After we find Shepard.” It wasn’t an “If we find Shepard”. Liara was speaking with certainty that they were going to find her. Knowing Liara, too, believed Shepard was still alive… it lifted Kaidan’s spirits. “Meanwhile, I’ve been exploring our new physiology to try and find some trace of prothean traits. So far, no signs of anything.”

“Shouldn’t they get a genetics expert to do that job?”

“And they have. I’ve spoken to Doctor Linda and she’s amazing. She just didn’t have any contact with any _living_ prothean… Like I had.”

“Javik,” Kaidan completed.

“Precisely.” Liara took a sip of her water. “It would do much good if we found him, but… He’s disappeared.”

They ate the remaining of their meals in silence which would only be broken by Kaidan’s omni-tool. Hoping it was Maria’s response, he checked it immediately. His hands trembled with expectation and it became even worse when he read the sender’s name.

“It’s Maria,” he said and proceeded to read the message aloud.

“ _Kaidan_ ,” she had written. “ _I don’t consider dreams proof that she’s alive. However… there is much in our new bodies we don’t understand yet. For all I know, Alys might indeed be alive and has somehow managed to contact you through some sort of new link in our brains. And if there’s a chance she’s not dead…_

_“I’ll talk to my father. The Normandy has been grounded for a while due to lack of fuel, but we’ve begun increasing production so you should be fine on that account._

_“Talk to you soon, Maria Hackett._ ”

Once he was finished, he looked at Liara expectantly. Her chin rested on her intertwined hands and there were pensive lines on her face. “Well, she’s going to talk to Hackett. At least it’s something.” Her blue eyes looked up at her friend and she saw that he was worried. Hope was such a cruel mistress, Liara realized. So she reached out for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “We’ll find her, Kaidan.”

His throat too constricted for him to speak, Kaidan mustered an acknowledging nod before turning back to his food.

 

 

Two days after Maria’s reply – and much to Kaidan’s surprise, - Tali and Garrus came to him at the hospital.

“Kaidan,” Garrus greeted, shaking the human’s hand. “You look like hell.”

The human biotic scratched the back of his head. “Feel like it, too.” His eyes flitted to the quarian. “Hello, Tali.”

Like Garrus, Tali shook Kaidan’s hand. Ever since she had been promoted to Admiral, he had always found it curious how Tali’s behavior bordered on formal most of the time… He had only seen Tali hug someone once and that someone had been Shepard.

Shepard had always had a way of worming herself into people’s hearts, regardless of how guarded they were. It was her quiet steadiness, Kaidan thought, that inspired trust in people; that and her overwhelming capacity to see something through when everyone else thought it a lost cause.

Tali had been considered a lost cause, Shepard had told Kaidan, when they found geth aboard her father’s ship. The quarians had wanted to exile her but Shepard, through some combination of spectacular wordplay and sheer luck, had managed to keep Tali safe and part of the Flotilla… While keeping Tali’s father’s meddling with the geth a secret. It had been no small feat and it had strengthened the already strong friendship between Shepard and Tali.

“Garrus is right. You _do_ look like hell,” said the quarian. “Liara told us you… haven’t been sleeping well. That dreams keep you awake at night.”

“These are not common dreams,” Kaidan objected. “There’s something else to them, something that rings true.”

“Something that makes you think that somewhere out there, Shepard’s alive,” Garrus stated. “And now you want to find her.”

“Yes,” he said.

Tali examined Kaidan carefully before sighing. “I don’t know, Kaidan. Some people have theorized that she gave up her essence so we could become…” She gestured to her body. “This. I’m inclined to believe them – it’s what makes the most sense.”

“Some say the whole existence of the Reapers made no sense and yet, they exist,” Kaidan pointed out. “Sometimes things don’t have to make sense.”

Tali sighed. “Kaidan…”

 “I turned from her once, on Horizon,” Kaidan’s tone was now strong, resolute and he clearly wanted to crush Tali’s logic. “I’m not going to do the same again.”

“And you shouldn’t,” said Garrus, a hint of criticism on his voice. “Not then and not now.”

Tali turned to the turian, riddled with disbelief. “Don’t tell me you want to go.”

The turian put a hand on Tali’s shoulder and there was a moment of complicity that left Kaidan uneasy. “Shepard was our friend,” said Garrus, hinting at a little nostalgia. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss her.”

“I miss Shepard too, but…” Tali shook her head before turning her attention back to Kaidan. “You’re asking me to leave my work – work that, right now, is very important, - to follow a dream of yours.” The quarian hugged herself as though she was cold, but Kaidan had the feeling she was just trying to keep something else at bay. Something like remorse. “I just…”

Whatever Tali was going to say was cut-off by a beep from Kaidan’s omni-tool. Hoping it was Maria again, he checked the message immediately.

_Kaidan,_

_You have permission to take the Normandy. The basic crew will accompany you, which includes EDI and Joker. At first, I thought the crew would pose a problem, but when I asked, they said that if they could, they’d go with you._

_I wish I could come with, but it’s urgent we figure out the changes that took place in organics. But know that I hope you_ do _find Alys. She… has been dearly missed._

_Good luck,_

_Maria Hackett_

 

That message brought about one of the biggest sensations of relief Kaidan had ever felt. They had a ship – the very best ship, - at their disposal. Now, all he needed was the support of the people who had counted Alys Shepard as one of their closest friends.

“We have the Normandy,” Kaidan informed. He looked at his friends, waiting for a reaction. Garrus’s was the first. The turian held Tali by the shoulders and looked into her eyes – as much as he could, anyway, - before speaking. “I want to go.”

Tali gave little frustrated jumps. “Garrus, don’t put me in this position. You know I have to work and-”

“Don’t tell me that there’s no part of you that believes Shepard’s still alive,” the turian said, one of his claws rising up to touch the side of Tali’s head. “Please, Tali.”

Kaidan was an alien to both Tali and Garrus but he felt even more so when he broke their little moment. “Wherever Shepard is, we’re going to need your help, Tali.”

The quarian hesitated. True, Shepard was her friend – one of her best friends, in fact, - yet now, she found herself at odds with the situation. There was no one else who Tali had trusted more than Alys Shepard, whom she had followed to hell and back. They had drunk together, been through the worst together, had shared secrets, tales, feelings. Everything that was logic told her Shepard was dead and yet…

When no one else would stand by her side, Shepard had. She had defended Tali in a trial without revealing what her father had done. Shepard… she had done everything for her and now…

Tali let out a long breath. “You’re right. I… I’ll go. For Alys Shepard.”

Her help lifted a burden off of Kaidan’s heart. “For Alys Shepard,” he echoed.

 

 

Liara and Kaidan took care of all the additional details they needed in order to depart as soon as they could. Together with Tali and Garrus, the four of them went to the still-in-bad-shape space port in London, where the Normandy was waiting. Their old quarters had been given back to them, except for Kaidan’s. Since he was the highest ranking officer in the ship, he got… Shepard’s old quarters.

To be there again without her brought such a strong ache to his heart that he had to sit down… except that sitting down also brought memories of her, of them. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep here, not until they found Shepard.

With a heavy heart, Kaidan decided to head to the bridge, where Joker was sitting in the pilot’s chair and EDI in the co-pilot’s. Joker must have heard him approaching, because he turned the chair to face Kaidan.

“Garrus was right,” said the flight lieutenant. “You look like hell.”

“I know,” said Kaidan. “And hopefully, not for long.”

“Yeah, I heard. The lead AI expert managed to convince Hackett that Shepard’s sending you signals through some sort of connection we all have now.”

This surprised Kaidan. Maria adored Shepard, but in one of the messages she had sent, she had implied she wasn’t certain about such a connection. Either she was now, or she lied. “She said that?”

“Yup. At least that’s how it was explained to me. Anyway, it matches what happened when the relays exploded.”

Joker’s sudden appearance in London. The team, hurrying inside the Normandy and flying away just as the relay blew yup. It… had never made much sense to Kaidan, how they’d managed to escape.

“How did you know, Joker? How did you know where we were and when to pick us up before the relay exploded?” Kaidan asked with a frown.

“That was me,” said EDI. “I began to pick up a warning signal in a frequency that matched Shepard’s. I decoded it and told Jeff to pick up the ground crew and flee.”

“Sounds like she was trying to warn us about something,” Joker said. “What about, I have no idea. But hey, we’ll ask her when we find her.”

“When are we leaving?”

Joker gave him a lopsided smile “As soon as we finish this conversation.”

“Now, then?” asked a tentative Kaidan.

“Now,” confirmed EDI.

She and Joker began to prepare for launch, hitting panels here and there. As the Normandy took flight, Kaidan looked out the cockpit’s window. They were getting closer to Shepard. Kaidan could feel it.


End file.
